A Room of Her Own

What a great couple of months we've had since I last posted here. We've had our first family holiday to Cornwall (including Catriona's first steps in the sea!), done lots of work around the house (all of the things that we've been putting off for the last eighteen months), and watched our little baby change and grow, turn into a little girl and begin being her own wonderful, wonderful person. 

It's amazing to see the changes in her from day to day. Just last week over the course of two days, she learned six new words; teeth, cheese, Janey, Phoebe, bed and Volvo. (D is particularly proud of that last one!) She understands things in a way that we've never really appreciated. She has a sense of time passing, she knows who she is in the context of her own world and she is happy in it. 

When we came back from our holiday, she finally moved into her own room. A little later – well, a whole year later – than we'd planned, but wow! what a difference it has made to us all. It's a lovely room and a space that I would've loved to have had as a child. It is very much her own room though, with her bed and her clothes, books, toys, a mobile, lights and pictures (although the latter aren't actually up on the wall yet.) We bravely took the decision to take the sides off her cot to give her a big girl's bed and true to her own unflappable nature, she slept in it completely unfazed from day one. And boy, does she sleep. When her cot was at the bottom of our bed, she would wake up four, five, six times a night. I'm a restless sleeper and, to be honest, we wound each other up. But now – and I truly hope that this will last – she goes to bed and stays in bed, asleep until we go upstairs to wake her up the following morning.  

And waking her up is now my new favourite time of the day. She always wakes up with the most spectacular bedhead and a breathtaking need to chat. She can go from sound asleep to full on blabbermouth in less than five seconds. It's astonishing. And lovely. And the only way to distract her from her early morning monologue is to ask, "Catriona, would you like some breakfast?", to which the answer is unswervingly and resoundingly, "YES!"

And then we start our day and the rest of our lives together. Love that girl!

A Little Bit of Time...

Imagine that you had a day when you could do pretty much whatever you wanted. Just one day to do as you pleased. What would you do?

As a result of our lovely friends being away on holiday for a week, I needed to do an extra nursery run and I decided that rather than ask for an extra work-from-home day, I would take a day's holiday to drop C off and then have a little bit of time to myself.

In the run up to my day, I spent a certain amount of time mulling over what I might get up to. I knew that I wanted to do only nice things and to make every minute count. To do things that are hard to do when you've got a little person needing your attention. The anticipation became a treat in itself; what would I do? what could I do? There was no should about it, no sense of duty, because I was only going to do things that I wanted to do.

And on the day itself, I dropped Catriona off at nursery and headed straight to the leisure centre to actually go for a swim. Going swimming with a toddler, means splashing around, jumping in and walking around the pool with a baby torpedo, but no actual swimming takes place. This time was different, I swam thirty leisurely lengths, savouring the silence, and I left the centre properly dressed, with dry hair and even with a bit of make-up on! 

Next up was a brisk walk up to Clarendon Palace in the glorious sunshine (lucky me) and a walk back through the nature reserve at Whitebridge Spinney. 

This ran nicely into lunchtime so I took myself off for an alfresco lunch of wild garlic tart at the very lovely Henderson's Artisan Bakery and stayed on after lunch to read my book in the sunshine with a cup of tea. 

I had planned lots of things for the afternoon – knit, make malteser tiffin, watch a movie, paint my nails – but the weather was so nice that I took a blanket to my nearest park and read my book until it was time to collect little C from nursery.

What a wonderful day. And the best part of that day? Seeing C's lovely little face when I picked her up from nursery and getting those two perfect, pudgy arms wrapped around my neck when I reached down to pick her for a cuddle.

Getting Back to Normal

What a wonderful thing time is. It passes quickly, slowly, imperceptibly, irrevocably. If you can get through it, you can get through anything. And so here we are. After one year, two months and fifteen days, I finally feel as if I am getting back some of my own time, and I have to tell you, it feels wonderful! I love being a mum, but it is not the only thing about me. Today is not a landmark day, nothing major has happened to make me feel like this, but the sun is shining and as I took the time to walk the last part of my journey to work along the river, I realised that yes, I am getting my life back.

Taking time back has been a gradual process, which started with the little lady going to nursery. It wasn't the smoothest process initially and we both struggled at times, but she cracked it and now she loves it. It has enabled me to go back to work, which again hasn't been easy – there's been a certain amount of guilt, my priorities have altered and I have frequently questioned whether or not I'm doing the right thing, but I have (at least today, I think I have), and it's good for both of us. I get to use my brain and can engage in adult conversation about something other than babies; and she gets to throw powder paint onto the snow and feed baby goats from a bottle. I work for three days a week, which means that the majority of my week is spent with her – it's a better balance all round. More than this, it's not just rejoining the world of work that has been a good thing. The time that I spend either side of my working day is a wonderful thing, the commute which used to be a bit of a chore has now become my own precious time to read, knit,  daydream or even freelance. I have read more in the last ten weeks than in the entire year of my maternity leave and I LOVE it!

Most recently, I've been reading a lots of great books. Highlights have been Bellman and Black by Diane Setterfield, The Paying Guests by Sarah Waters, The Girl on the Train by Paula Hawkins the two 'Cormoran Strike' novels by Robert Galbraith (aka J. K. Rowling), Waffle Hearts by Maria Parr, The Bone Clocks by David Mitchell, The Interestings by Meg Wolitzer and Perfect  by Rachel Joyce. I'm currently devouring Picnic at Hanging Rock by Joan Lindsay and can't wait to get stuck into The Museum of Extraordinary Things by Alice Hoffman. Catriona is currently reading Hippos Go Beserk! by Sandra Boynton, Rosie's Walk by Pat Hutchins and Noodle Loves to Cuddle by Marion Billet.

It is wonderful to be back in the world of books, both reading and making. But beyond books,  I've also taken up yoga again and have found a really enjoyable vinyasa flow class in a village just outside of Salisbury. I have picked up my needles again in earnest and am knitting a sweet little cabled cardigan for Catriona's friend Janey. I'm gradually doing the things that I used to enjoy so very much before having a baby. 

To be honest, the baby isn't really such a baby anymore. She is walking (clumsily) and talking (in an almost intelligible way) and full of cuddles and kisses. Developmentally, it seems like there is something new every single day. This week, she climbed the stairs for the first time and last week, she walked over to the fridge, opened the door and helped herself to a punnet of raspberries. This morning, before I left for work she said, "Bye" and gave me a lovely, lovely kiss. I can't tell you how hard it was to leave the house. She has everything ahead of her and she amazes me every day.

Looking forward, I want to carry on keeping the balance; looking after her and looking after me. I want to appreciate my lovely husband more, get out running regularly, make more, read other people's blogs more, get out in the garden more and maybe even go out on a date... (Oh, and blog more – see you soon.)