A Room of Her Own

What a great couple of months we've had since I last posted here. We've had our first family holiday to Cornwall (including Catriona's first steps in the sea!), done lots of work around the house (all of the things that we've been putting off for the last eighteen months), and watched our little baby change and grow, turn into a little girl and begin being her own wonderful, wonderful person. 

It's amazing to see the changes in her from day to day. Just last week over the course of two days, she learned six new words; teeth, cheese, Janey, Phoebe, bed and Volvo. (D is particularly proud of that last one!) She understands things in a way that we've never really appreciated. She has a sense of time passing, she knows who she is in the context of her own world and she is happy in it. 

When we came back from our holiday, she finally moved into her own room. A little later – well, a whole year later – than we'd planned, but wow! what a difference it has made to us all. It's a lovely room and a space that I would've loved to have had as a child. It is very much her own room though, with her bed and her clothes, books, toys, a mobile, lights and pictures (although the latter aren't actually up on the wall yet.) We bravely took the decision to take the sides off her cot to give her a big girl's bed and true to her own unflappable nature, she slept in it completely unfazed from day one. And boy, does she sleep. When her cot was at the bottom of our bed, she would wake up four, five, six times a night. I'm a restless sleeper and, to be honest, we wound each other up. But now – and I truly hope that this will last – she goes to bed and stays in bed, asleep until we go upstairs to wake her up the following morning.  

And waking her up is now my new favourite time of the day. She always wakes up with the most spectacular bedhead and a breathtaking need to chat. She can go from sound asleep to full on blabbermouth in less than five seconds. It's astonishing. And lovely. And the only way to distract her from her early morning monologue is to ask, "Catriona, would you like some breakfast?", to which the answer is unswervingly and resoundingly, "YES!"

And then we start our day and the rest of our lives together. Love that girl!

Getting Back to Normal

What a wonderful thing time is. It passes quickly, slowly, imperceptibly, irrevocably. If you can get through it, you can get through anything. And so here we are. After one year, two months and fifteen days, I finally feel as if I am getting back some of my own time, and I have to tell you, it feels wonderful! I love being a mum, but it is not the only thing about me. Today is not a landmark day, nothing major has happened to make me feel like this, but the sun is shining and as I took the time to walk the last part of my journey to work along the river, I realised that yes, I am getting my life back.

Taking time back has been a gradual process, which started with the little lady going to nursery. It wasn't the smoothest process initially and we both struggled at times, but she cracked it and now she loves it. It has enabled me to go back to work, which again hasn't been easy – there's been a certain amount of guilt, my priorities have altered and I have frequently questioned whether or not I'm doing the right thing, but I have (at least today, I think I have), and it's good for both of us. I get to use my brain and can engage in adult conversation about something other than babies; and she gets to throw powder paint onto the snow and feed baby goats from a bottle. I work for three days a week, which means that the majority of my week is spent with her – it's a better balance all round. More than this, it's not just rejoining the world of work that has been a good thing. The time that I spend either side of my working day is a wonderful thing, the commute which used to be a bit of a chore has now become my own precious time to read, knit,  daydream or even freelance. I have read more in the last ten weeks than in the entire year of my maternity leave and I LOVE it!

Most recently, I've been reading a lots of great books. Highlights have been Bellman and Black by Diane Setterfield, The Paying Guests by Sarah Waters, The Girl on the Train by Paula Hawkins the two 'Cormoran Strike' novels by Robert Galbraith (aka J. K. Rowling), Waffle Hearts by Maria Parr, The Bone Clocks by David Mitchell, The Interestings by Meg Wolitzer and Perfect  by Rachel Joyce. I'm currently devouring Picnic at Hanging Rock by Joan Lindsay and can't wait to get stuck into The Museum of Extraordinary Things by Alice Hoffman. Catriona is currently reading Hippos Go Beserk! by Sandra Boynton, Rosie's Walk by Pat Hutchins and Noodle Loves to Cuddle by Marion Billet.

It is wonderful to be back in the world of books, both reading and making. But beyond books,  I've also taken up yoga again and have found a really enjoyable vinyasa flow class in a village just outside of Salisbury. I have picked up my needles again in earnest and am knitting a sweet little cabled cardigan for Catriona's friend Janey. I'm gradually doing the things that I used to enjoy so very much before having a baby. 

To be honest, the baby isn't really such a baby anymore. She is walking (clumsily) and talking (in an almost intelligible way) and full of cuddles and kisses. Developmentally, it seems like there is something new every single day. This week, she climbed the stairs for the first time and last week, she walked over to the fridge, opened the door and helped herself to a punnet of raspberries. This morning, before I left for work she said, "Bye" and gave me a lovely, lovely kiss. I can't tell you how hard it was to leave the house. She has everything ahead of her and she amazes me every day.

Looking forward, I want to carry on keeping the balance; looking after her and looking after me. I want to appreciate my lovely husband more, get out running regularly, make more, read other people's blogs more, get out in the garden more and maybe even go out on a date... (Oh, and blog more – see you soon.)

Hello Again

Well, hello there! I'm sorry I've been away for so long (has it really been five months?) but I've had my hands a bit full with the charming creature that is becoming more and more of a little girl every day. 

Today she is eight months old and eight months wonderful. The last couple of months in particular have been such great fun, as Catriona grows, develops and her individuality shines through. Her favourite things just now are the cat and food. Her adorable little face lights up and she squeals in delight whenever he ventures near. They've had a couple of close encounters and Coleman's patience has been sorely tested, but he turns out to have the patience of a saint and so far they're the best of friends. I really hope that it'll stay that way...

Food is her other great love and I have say that she's a natural born eater! She hasn't turned her nose up at a single thing we've put in front of her. (Though she does pull a brilliant face if presented with anything really cold!) We waited until she was a full six months before embarking on this particular adventure, as we wanted to try baby-led weaning, and she was very, very ready. We hit the ground running with three full meals - and a lot of milk besides - eating together and sharing exactly the same foods. Mealtimes are my favourite times of the day, even if the clearing up afterwards is quite challenging!

When she's not eating or beaming at Coleman, the little lady has a fabulous social life. (Oh, so much better than ours!) Catriona goes to classes twice a week with her little baby buddies and loves to swim at the leisure centre. We like to keep busy so we have our own little adventures, which this week have included a morning out at Mottisfont and a day out in glorious Bath Spa tomorrow with Lois and Janey. 

As you can imagine, this doesn't exactly leave much time for me to create, craft or read, but I do keep trying. I'm currently reading The Apothecary by Maile Meloy and The Girl Who Saved the King of Sweden by Jonas Jonasson and I'm knitting a fox-face hat and a cloudy sky blanket for Catriona, of which more in my next post. (Which hopefully won't be such a long time coming!) See you here again soon. Nx

All Smiles!

Three months old today and I can't quite get my head round where the time has gone. I don't know quite how it's happened, but a quarter of a year has passed in the blink of an eye. And as fast as it's been, it has been wonderful. Catriona is simply the best thing in our lives and as tough as it sometimes gets, I just can't imagine how our lives would be if she wasn't here.

I had thought that I would manage to post at least once a month, but I guess that was a bit optimistic. We haven't been shirking and every day we get up to something or other. Since I last wrote, Catriona has taken on the following:

• a bedtime routine (complete with two hours each evening for the grown-ups to eat a hot meal together at the same time - gasp!)
• smiles (this makes all of tough times instantly forgettable)
• immunisations (she screamed so hard that we had to remind her to breathe) 
• swimming lessons, baby sensory and sing and sign classes (swimming can be very tiring, but they're all really good fun, especially the ball-pit at baby sensory)
• a trip into London Town to introduce the little one and to visit Daddy in his office
• two trips to the beach to enjoy the spring sunshine
• lots of walking and playtime, but hardly any naps

Since I last wrote, I have managed the following:

• finished her cardigan - just in time for her to grow out of it!
• made (and eaten) countless batches of malteser tiffin
• read nearly half a book
• knitted one pair of socks
• been out for a 5k run
• made a picture out of Catriona's welcome home banner
• had one night out (though I did spend most of the time thinking about the little lady)

It doesn't sound like much and I've had lots of ideas of things I'd like to do but you know, there's no rush. Everything doesn't have to be done right now. Those ideas can stay ideas for a bit longer and the world will not stop spinning on its axis. I don't have to beat myself up about not getting anything done. What's important right now is the smiles - oh, those wonderful smiles - and getting to know the little girl that our baby is turning into. 

 

Time Flies

Our baby girl is one month old today! I can't quite explain where the last month has gone other than to say that it's been a flurry of feeding, changing, cuddling and getting to know each other. Catriona Hazel arrived safe and well at home in a birth pool at 8.11 on the morning of Friday the 10th of January. She was helped into the world by our wonderful midwife Jacqui accompanied by the dulcet tones of Jose Gonzales and illuminated by fairy lights! At a mighty 4.415 kilos (9 lbs 12 oz), she was rather larger than we were expecting and she has turned our world upside down in the most wonderful way.

Nothing can prepare you for the depth of feeling that having a child will create in you and sometimes when I'm gazing at her beautiful little face I find myself almost overwhelmed by love. She is perfect and wonderful, unique and precious; and we are so glad that she has come into our lives. 

However, all this extra loving has rather put the kibosh on any non-baby related activities. I am still reading the same two books that I started before she arrived - the brilliantly clever and starkly witty Symposium by Muriel Spark and the haunting modern fable, A Tale for the Time Being by Ruth Ozeki. It's strange not having time to read and I miss it a great deal, but as each day passes, I think we get a little bit better at this and I know that there will be more time in the future. Also, I find that I appreciate my reading time all the more for its scarcity. 

Craft has also been put on hold for the time being. I have managed to get to my knitting groups, but unless someone else is happy to cuddle the little miss, it is impossible to engage with sticks and string. I am so close to finishing a cardigan for her (to match the dress that I made just before she arrived too big to wear!) that it's silly. I only have to weave in the ends and we'll be good to go, but even the time for that tiny task seems too hard to come by. Her knitted name is also incredibly near completion - I just need to shape the wire and fix it to a supportive backing. 

I am typing this while she sleeps, curled up like a frog, on my chest. We've both had breakfast and if I can bear to wake her up, we should have a bath before starting the day in earnest. We are going for a walk every day and have visitors or meet up with friends most days and I can't tell you how touched we have been by everyone's friendship, support, kindness and love. (Sorry, will stop being so sentimental now - must be the hormones!)