Getting Back to Normal

What a wonderful thing time is. It passes quickly, slowly, imperceptibly, irrevocably. If you can get through it, you can get through anything. And so here we are. After one year, two months and fifteen days, I finally feel as if I am getting back some of my own time, and I have to tell you, it feels wonderful! I love being a mum, but it is not the only thing about me. Today is not a landmark day, nothing major has happened to make me feel like this, but the sun is shining and as I took the time to walk the last part of my journey to work along the river, I realised that yes, I am getting my life back.

Taking time back has been a gradual process, which started with the little lady going to nursery. It wasn't the smoothest process initially and we both struggled at times, but she cracked it and now she loves it. It has enabled me to go back to work, which again hasn't been easy – there's been a certain amount of guilt, my priorities have altered and I have frequently questioned whether or not I'm doing the right thing, but I have (at least today, I think I have), and it's good for both of us. I get to use my brain and can engage in adult conversation about something other than babies; and she gets to throw powder paint onto the snow and feed baby goats from a bottle. I work for three days a week, which means that the majority of my week is spent with her – it's a better balance all round. More than this, it's not just rejoining the world of work that has been a good thing. The time that I spend either side of my working day is a wonderful thing, the commute which used to be a bit of a chore has now become my own precious time to read, knit,  daydream or even freelance. I have read more in the last ten weeks than in the entire year of my maternity leave and I LOVE it!

Most recently, I've been reading a lots of great books. Highlights have been Bellman and Black by Diane Setterfield, The Paying Guests by Sarah Waters, The Girl on the Train by Paula Hawkins the two 'Cormoran Strike' novels by Robert Galbraith (aka J. K. Rowling), Waffle Hearts by Maria Parr, The Bone Clocks by David Mitchell, The Interestings by Meg Wolitzer and Perfect  by Rachel Joyce. I'm currently devouring Picnic at Hanging Rock by Joan Lindsay and can't wait to get stuck into The Museum of Extraordinary Things by Alice Hoffman. Catriona is currently reading Hippos Go Beserk! by Sandra Boynton, Rosie's Walk by Pat Hutchins and Noodle Loves to Cuddle by Marion Billet.

It is wonderful to be back in the world of books, both reading and making. But beyond books,  I've also taken up yoga again and have found a really enjoyable vinyasa flow class in a village just outside of Salisbury. I have picked up my needles again in earnest and am knitting a sweet little cabled cardigan for Catriona's friend Janey. I'm gradually doing the things that I used to enjoy so very much before having a baby. 

To be honest, the baby isn't really such a baby anymore. She is walking (clumsily) and talking (in an almost intelligible way) and full of cuddles and kisses. Developmentally, it seems like there is something new every single day. This week, she climbed the stairs for the first time and last week, she walked over to the fridge, opened the door and helped herself to a punnet of raspberries. This morning, before I left for work she said, "Bye" and gave me a lovely, lovely kiss. I can't tell you how hard it was to leave the house. She has everything ahead of her and she amazes me every day.

Looking forward, I want to carry on keeping the balance; looking after her and looking after me. I want to appreciate my lovely husband more, get out running regularly, make more, read other people's blogs more, get out in the garden more and maybe even go out on a date... (Oh, and blog more – see you soon.)

Hello Again

Well, hello there! I'm sorry I've been away for so long (has it really been five months?) but I've had my hands a bit full with the charming creature that is becoming more and more of a little girl every day. 

Today she is eight months old and eight months wonderful. The last couple of months in particular have been such great fun, as Catriona grows, develops and her individuality shines through. Her favourite things just now are the cat and food. Her adorable little face lights up and she squeals in delight whenever he ventures near. They've had a couple of close encounters and Coleman's patience has been sorely tested, but he turns out to have the patience of a saint and so far they're the best of friends. I really hope that it'll stay that way...

Food is her other great love and I have say that she's a natural born eater! She hasn't turned her nose up at a single thing we've put in front of her. (Though she does pull a brilliant face if presented with anything really cold!) We waited until she was a full six months before embarking on this particular adventure, as we wanted to try baby-led weaning, and she was very, very ready. We hit the ground running with three full meals - and a lot of milk besides - eating together and sharing exactly the same foods. Mealtimes are my favourite times of the day, even if the clearing up afterwards is quite challenging!

When she's not eating or beaming at Coleman, the little lady has a fabulous social life. (Oh, so much better than ours!) Catriona goes to classes twice a week with her little baby buddies and loves to swim at the leisure centre. We like to keep busy so we have our own little adventures, which this week have included a morning out at Mottisfont and a day out in glorious Bath Spa tomorrow with Lois and Janey. 

As you can imagine, this doesn't exactly leave much time for me to create, craft or read, but I do keep trying. I'm currently reading The Apothecary by Maile Meloy and The Girl Who Saved the King of Sweden by Jonas Jonasson and I'm knitting a fox-face hat and a cloudy sky blanket for Catriona, of which more in my next post. (Which hopefully won't be such a long time coming!) See you here again soon. Nx

All Smiles!

Three months old today and I can't quite get my head round where the time has gone. I don't know quite how it's happened, but a quarter of a year has passed in the blink of an eye. And as fast as it's been, it has been wonderful. Catriona is simply the best thing in our lives and as tough as it sometimes gets, I just can't imagine how our lives would be if she wasn't here.

I had thought that I would manage to post at least once a month, but I guess that was a bit optimistic. We haven't been shirking and every day we get up to something or other. Since I last wrote, Catriona has taken on the following:

• a bedtime routine (complete with two hours each evening for the grown-ups to eat a hot meal together at the same time - gasp!)
• smiles (this makes all of tough times instantly forgettable)
• immunisations (she screamed so hard that we had to remind her to breathe) 
• swimming lessons, baby sensory and sing and sign classes (swimming can be very tiring, but they're all really good fun, especially the ball-pit at baby sensory)
• a trip into London Town to introduce the little one and to visit Daddy in his office
• two trips to the beach to enjoy the spring sunshine
• lots of walking and playtime, but hardly any naps

Since I last wrote, I have managed the following:

• finished her cardigan - just in time for her to grow out of it!
• made (and eaten) countless batches of malteser tiffin
• read nearly half a book
• knitted one pair of socks
• been out for a 5k run
• made a picture out of Catriona's welcome home banner
• had one night out (though I did spend most of the time thinking about the little lady)

It doesn't sound like much and I've had lots of ideas of things I'd like to do but you know, there's no rush. Everything doesn't have to be done right now. Those ideas can stay ideas for a bit longer and the world will not stop spinning on its axis. I don't have to beat myself up about not getting anything done. What's important right now is the smiles - oh, those wonderful smiles - and getting to know the little girl that our baby is turning into. 

 

Time Flies

Our baby girl is one month old today! I can't quite explain where the last month has gone other than to say that it's been a flurry of feeding, changing, cuddling and getting to know each other. Catriona Hazel arrived safe and well at home in a birth pool at 8.11 on the morning of Friday the 10th of January. She was helped into the world by our wonderful midwife Jacqui accompanied by the dulcet tones of Jose Gonzales and illuminated by fairy lights! At a mighty 4.415 kilos (9 lbs 12 oz), she was rather larger than we were expecting and she has turned our world upside down in the most wonderful way.

Nothing can prepare you for the depth of feeling that having a child will create in you and sometimes when I'm gazing at her beautiful little face I find myself almost overwhelmed by love. She is perfect and wonderful, unique and precious; and we are so glad that she has come into our lives. 

However, all this extra loving has rather put the kibosh on any non-baby related activities. I am still reading the same two books that I started before she arrived - the brilliantly clever and starkly witty Symposium by Muriel Spark and the haunting modern fable, A Tale for the Time Being by Ruth Ozeki. It's strange not having time to read and I miss it a great deal, but as each day passes, I think we get a little bit better at this and I know that there will be more time in the future. Also, I find that I appreciate my reading time all the more for its scarcity. 

Craft has also been put on hold for the time being. I have managed to get to my knitting groups, but unless someone else is happy to cuddle the little miss, it is impossible to engage with sticks and string. I am so close to finishing a cardigan for her (to match the dress that I made just before she arrived too big to wear!) that it's silly. I only have to weave in the ends and we'll be good to go, but even the time for that tiny task seems too hard to come by. Her knitted name is also incredibly near completion - I just need to shape the wire and fix it to a supportive backing. 

I am typing this while she sleeps, curled up like a frog, on my chest. We've both had breakfast and if I can bear to wake her up, we should have a bath before starting the day in earnest. We are going for a walk every day and have visitors or meet up with friends most days and I can't tell you how touched we have been by everyone's friendship, support, kindness and love. (Sorry, will stop being so sentimental now - must be the hormones!)

Magic Moments

The last few months have simply flown by. What with one thing and another this post, which I started after our last holiday, has been resting in my drafts for over two months and it's only now as I find myself thinking about the year ahead that I remember to celebrate the year just gone. Since the end of October, I've had some wonderful nights out with friends in London (who I already miss enormously), made some fabulous new friends through our NCT ante-natal classes, been to a live screening of Eugene Onegin from the Met in New York with D, watched the fabulous Populaire with my good pal Piney and celebrated first birthday cuddles with my very special godson, Toby and much, much more besides. I felt a great need to pack a lot into my last few weeks before starting my maternity leave but now D and I are taking it easy and enjoying some well-earned quiet time at home before we start the next chapter of our story.

Looking back, the end of October was the start of some lovely times with my family. It was my sister's birthday and she rented the most amazing cottage in the Forest of Dean (where we spent many, many childhood holidays exploring the woods and walking along the river) for a week of good food, laughs and party preparation - and what a party it was. D and I followed this with a quiet week in Cornwall, brunching in bed, relaxing, reading, walking along the beautiful beaches and eating some lovely local food during the day and catching up on a box set of of Spiral in the evenings with home-cooked comfort food to keep us going. We saw my family again at Christmas  and I found myself thinking that Christmas and New Year are magical times of the year in any year, but this year, with the impending arrival they've been even more special than ever.

On the needles, I have had to rationalise the number of projects in progress so I'm down to the quilt for her cot, the aforementioned mobile and an i-cord length which will spell out her name when she gets here. Books-wise, I am treating myself to Elizabeth Jane Howard's Cazalet Chronicles, re-reading some old favourites (Susan Cooper's The Dark is Rising and William Goldman's The Princess Bride) and reading some of the gems that I discovered unread on the shelves while being forced to condense our book collections into half the space so that there could actually be room for a nursery.

We've really enjoyed getting things ready for when the little one arrives. I can't tell you how much joy I have received from crafting tiny knitted jumpers, hats and boots; what a pleasure it has been making cushions and a mobile and even just choosing paint colours and toys for her nursery. We've only got a few days to go now and I think we're nearly there. I'm not sure you can ever be ready for welcoming a child into your life but we're looking forward to it more than I can possibly express. 

Flapjacks and Fruitfulness

 

Autumn is one of my favourite times of the year and as the weeks fly by, there is a hint of fog in the mornings and there is definitely a wee nip in the air. Yesterday morning, D and I donned our coats and went for a lovely long walk in the New Forest starting out from the fabulously named Nomansland. We're lucky to live near such a beautiful place and when the sun is shining and the leaves are starting to change colour, it's hard to find anywhere lovelier on the planet. We admired the entries in the Landford Scarecrow Festival, heard woodpeckers, saw horses, ponies and even a great big pig! And after our walk we visited the village shop to buy the wherewithal to rustle up a tray of flapjacks to replace all the energy that we'd spent tramping about in the woods! Here's a link to my favourite flapjack recipe.

As the nights draw in, it's a good time for lots of my favourite things, eating, knitting, reading and all-round snuggling in. It's a time for making enormous saucepans full of soup, baking toad-in-the-hole with gravy and mash, and delicious crumbles too. I've just been given an enormous bag of cooking apples and am very much looking forward to trying my friends Robin's oaty-packed crumble topping. Mmm. Yummy!

On the needles, I'm still really enjoying knitting things for the little one. I finished her hat and liked it so very much, that I had to make one for myself. I'm quite sure we will look ridiculous and I never imagined that I'd turn into a match-matchy kind of person, but what can I say? I just couldn't resist!

I've also started a pair of baby jeans for her and a really pretty little vest from Vibe Ulrik Sondergaard's Lullaby Knits. It's a beautiful book and there are some wonderful patterns in it. I'd actually intended to make an adorable cable sweater, but I managed to buy the wrong wool. (Cashmerino Aran rather when it should have been Baby Cahsmerino) But hey, I never mind buying more wool - especially from my local yarn store Born to Knit at Fisherton Mill and I can always pop back in a couple of weeks and get the right wool. The pompom mobile is still a work in progress, but I like the way it's progressing so far! Progress is also quite slow on the quilt - lucky that time is on my side, and I'm pretty confident that I'll get it done in time for her arrival.

Books-wise, I'd been stuck in a bit of a rut. I'd not really enjoyed my most recent bookgroup book and had started a couple books that I hadn't really loved. I even found myself on a train without a book to read, which is as dreadful as it it inexcusable. Luckily, the very lovely Jo (who really does have the best taste in books) was on hand to rescue me from my fiction disaster and saved the day with Alys, Always by Harriet Lane and The Colour of Milk by Nell Leyshon. Thanks, Lovely Jo, now I can snuggle up safely on the sofa with a blanket,  cuppa, a slice of flapjack and a really good book!

Being Thankful

Hello again! And welcome back. I've had a lovely couple of weeks, both on and off the needles and the projects that I had finished the last time I posted here are now blocked, dried and ready to wear. I'm even cracking on with a few more. I'm particularly pleased with my colour block cardigan (that's me wearing it on the left, there) and when it's a bit cooler, it'll be a welcome addition to my wardrobe of things that I can wear with my ever increasing bump.

Speaking of which, knitting for the little one has taken on a new dimension, in that I now know that I'm knitting for a girl!  We found out last Friday and we are both absolutely over the moon. I'd been more nervous than I'd expected before the scan, but the sonographer was so kind and the experience so positive that getting to find out our baby's gender on top of a clean bill of health was like having a holiday, birthday and Christmas all at once.

We'd already booked a weekend away in Oxford so we started our celebrations with a really rather wonderful dinner at the dining room at the Ashmolean museum which was really rather special and all the more of a treat for being a surprise find. If you ever find yourself in Oxford on a Friday or Saturday evening - give it a try, you won't be disappointed. On Saturday, we couldn't resist buying a few clothes for our baby girl and we hit the shops in style! She'll have a lovely little wardrobe and now I'm loving browsing for more feminine patterns. The two little jumpers that I'd made so far were gender neutral so now I can get stuck in to something, not  necessarily pink, but certainly more girly in style. One of the joys of knitting for little people is that it all knits up really quickly, so hopefully there'll be something new to show you the next time I post too.

On top of all this knitting, I've also started a quilt for her nursery. It's going to be a very, very simple hand-pieced hexagon quilt and the fabric that it'll be made of all comes from old clothes of D's and mine. It's mostly pastel colours and has fabric from shirts, pyjamas and tops that we've worn and loved. Unlike the knitting, it's going to take a while to get together, but it'll mean all the more for being a labour of love. I'm also planning a pompom mobile made out of mustard and wool embroidery hoops. I'm not quite sure how it'll work out, but if it looks okay, I'll post a picture of that next time too.

After a couple of big projects at work, I've now had a bit more of my journey time back and have my head stuck in some really great books. I'm trying to clear some space in the house for the new arrival which means that I've been rediscovering some old favourites and unearthing some books that I've acquired, but never even read. A particular favourite was Patrick Gale's Rough Music which had been languishing on the shelves for maybe ten years. I've read his books before but I'd forgotten just how acutely he observes the best and worst in human nature. I also read The Universe Versus Alex Woods by Gavin Extence for work's bookclub (I was the only one that actually liked it!) and I this weekend I have simply devoured Where'd You Go Bernadette by Maria Semple. I've also started the charming and peculiar Kitchen by the deliciously-named Banana Yoshimoto and an advance reader's copy of Flora and Ulysses by Kate DiCamillo which friends and colleagues have all been raving about.

Thanks to the public holiday, this weekend has been a long weekend too and has been an absolute delight. A leisurely stroll along the beach in Boscombe with yummy ice cream and a picnic at Stourhead with a walk around the lake were real highlights as was lunch in Salisbury with a dear old friend who I hadn't seen for a while. Best of all was the arrival of my best friend, her husband and my godson who arrived with a car boot-load of the most wonderful hand-me-downs for us to pick out from. We have been throughly spoiled and her wardrobe has quadrupled, not to mention the baby-sling, bath bits and bobs, and a gorgeous hammock that we'll be able to put up for her wherever we go. People are so kind and generous I feel quite overwhelmed. Thank you.